Top 10 reasons House Bill 916 delayed

The House Health & Human Services Committee has delayed consideration of House Bill 916, detailing plans to revamp the state’s MH/DD/SAS system, from today until May 31. Here are North Carolina Mental Hope’s Top 10 reasons why. (Potential spoiler alert: Since audio was unavailable from today’s meeting, who’s to say the committee didn’t change its mind once again and go ahead and consider it.)

10. Legislature votes to funnel proceeds of Dix sale to mental health services and revenue from rich tar sands found there ends mental health crisis.

9. Republican majority concerned that Democrats will mock them as socialists for voting in favor of managed care.

8. Freak rubber band, gum and paper clip shortage renders MH/DD/SAS computer system inoperable.

7. Legislators are busy reading the 2010 Mercer Report on MH/DD/SAS readiness. Oops! That’s Tina Fey’s memoir “Bossypants” instead.

6. Delay necessary to correct Raleigh “Used To Be An Observer” that was accidentally printed on the News & Observer’s invitation to DHHS media event, The Wonder of Waivers, which is to immediately follow the committee meeting.

5. Microscopic aliens with a gambling problem land in Raleigh and invade public officials bodies. Every time someone says waiver, they think they are saying wager instead and buy another education lottery ticket.

4. Continuing trend toward consolidation of administration and services catches Walmart’s interest and its new WalCare service takes over state system. Groceries, meds and now behavioral health services are offered under the new slogan: “The care you need: no more, no less.”

3. DHHS realizes it forgot the years of research, planning and consumer involvement it said was needed and asks for a week’s extension to do it.

2. Extra time needed to remove any legislator who believes in open and participatory government for a mental evaluation.

1. Cosmetologists shut down state government, demanding their licensure requirements of 3,000 hours curriculum and experience be reduced to just 24 hours like Cognitive Behavioral Therapists.

Speak Your Mind